walking into 2018 like...
Hey there! How’s it going? Happy New Year to you! I’m still getting back into the swing of things — just now having a moment to pause and reflect on the coming + going of the holiday.
To be honest, the coming of the new year looked different for me this time than it has in the recent past. This New Year I made no future plans, did no real stock-taking of the year past. I mean, I watched Google’s year in search video. And of course, I counted down to midnight on New Year’s Eve + gave my man a kiss to bring 2018 in right. But apart from that, I haven’t really sunk my teeth into it in the way I would normally like to. Leading up to Christmas, for example, I am all about alllll of the advent readings + calendars + candle lightings + christmas music + lights + movies...because I feel like holding those things as ritual sort of open my spirit properly. They allow me to fully experience Christmas, when it comes.
And I ordinarily have created similar rhythms around the New Year, which is why it’s weird for me to have essentially chosen to forgo all of that this year.
I think part of the reason for this is that I had other regular-life stuff happening on those days -- I completed my first major project of the year, a 6’ x 7’ (ish) chalkboard wall at my Pure Barre Studio. It was honestly so great to spend parts of New Year’s Eve + Day doing what I love, so no complaints there.
I wrote in my journal this morning that I feel weary, but happy. I’m hopeful for this year, but I’m also the same person that I was four days ago, you know? In a way I feel like I’ve chosen to decide that this is going to be an awesome year, without either stopping what I’m doing or laying out a 72-point plan for how to make this year an awesome year in my brand new Rifle Paper Co. Planner. And — actually, I’ve forgone the Rifle Planner this year, too — instead I’m trying the Bullet Journal. Two days in and I’m a fan so far. I made a cute cover to go on mine that I’ll share with y'all soon! (…but let the record show: I still love Rifle + always will.)
I don’t know. I guess in a way I’m trying to learn from my former self…and making all those plans and stressing about having enough time to fit it all in has never really served me all that well. It’s sort of like a frenzy, it happens, and then it dies down and I’m left to assimilate into my life again.
I think we all will always want to be better. There’s a quote I love that says, “to try to be better is to be better”. I would say that pretty well characterizes my stance. I’m just trying to be better, while continuing to move forward in (mostly) the same directions as before. Another sentiment that resonates with me is from an artist whose work I love to follow on Instagram, Adam J. Kurtz, He writes: “New Year’s Resolution: Actually accomplish the goal before telling everyone about it online”. I think on some level everything I hope to do…I’d rather devote time and energy toward doing than merely hoping for it.
Maybe what I’m getting at is that “planning”, at least for me sometimes, can be a cover for procrastinating.
I’m all about some of that “plan your work and work your plan” wisdom. But I think for me that needs to be scaled back from “plan 365 days of awesome” to, “figure out what you need to do today, keeping your goals in mind”.
Yeah…reading that back, it definitely does.
If you’re still reading this, I want you to know that if this is you too, hey, at least you’re not alone. I’ve lived long enough to know that I’ll probably never age out of Headcases Anonymous + so it’s okay if you don’t, either. (…please stay here with me. Jk. Kind of.)
To put a bow on this, I’ll just say that in 2018, I’m hoping to write lots more letters like this one…open letters to women like you and me who wholeheartedly desire flourishing in our lives. I strongly believe that a little hope spreads a long way…and we’re all in need of a little (or a lot) of hope. I can’t think of many better ways to spend my time, and frankly I’m tried of letting opportunities to try pass me by…!
Cheers to 2018. It’s gonna be a good one!