honest thoughts about blogging

I have been avoiding blogging like the plague for about three years now.  I have started + stopped a blog several times, usually capping out around five posts before getting totally frustrated with the voice that spoke to no one, and couldn't decide what it wanted to say.  To go back and read these blogs, for me, would be the equivalent (but worse) to watching myself on camera...so cringeworthy, it makes the bridge of my nose wrinkle just thinking about it.

Here's a brief history of me + blogs: I started reading them around age 14 (Design*Sponge + Oh Joy! being my two faves), at which point it would've been 2004. Sidebar: this is around the same time that my friends and I, in our early high school years, kept a collaborative blog that was something like a virtual traveling notebook. It was fun but not so much like a blog, in the traditional sense.  I had a tumblr for a while, which happened around the time that Pinterest was on the rise + so I mainly posted pictures.  I think this is because I boycotted Pinterest for awhile, somehow knowing that once I opened the flap to that deep, dark hole, I would never ever re-emerge.  Which, is exactly what has happened.  Then in college I started another blog because I craved a creative outlet + I decided writing for fun while writing a zillion assigned papers would be the way to achieve that. Ultimately, it wasn't a priority + I was in such a transient period of life, I didn't even know what I thought about most things, let alone how to communicate that to anyone (not that any one was reading it. I am positive that no one was reading it...mercifully.)

The truth is, I've always wanted to be a blogger because I like the idea of connecting with people in more than just a passing-through capacity, and because I like to write.  What's held me back is that I have never trusted myself with the commitment it requires.  The idea of being expected to post at a consistent time every day or week totally freaks me out. Also, I worry about what to say.  Not so much because of a lack of topics, but moreso how not to let one lead into ten others...basically, my thought process is all over the place + as I am aware of that, I worry about what this could do to any potential readers of my imaginary blog -- read: I'd drive you all away.

But. I never consciously decided to let fear or an unwillingness to accept a challenge drive the things I endeavor to do as a creative business person, and I don't plan to start now!  The truth is, I like to write. I want more than anything to be transparent, accessible, and honest in my work + the connections I make through it, and to blog would be an excellent way to share myself with you, reader + friend.  So I am not going to let the fear of failure, an awkward-sounding voice, or a lack of discipline take me down. 

I'm curious to see where this goes! Stick with me if you are too.