first third recap

So far this spring, I’ve framed + hung this kindergarten masterpiece, discovered that Poppi is absolutely delicious + everything I’ve always wanted seltzer to be. And of course, basked in the glow of some orange-yellow ranunculi…it just isn’t spring without them.

I feel like I blinked, and four months of this year have zoomed by. In warp speed. I find myself thinking about how I’m still waiting to figure out what it is I’m meant to be focused on this year…now, in late April.

Life lately feels a bit like a rotation between being underwater and coming up for air. A carousel of forgetting, remembering, and trying to remember. I have this fear that my memory is worse than everyone else’s; that I won’t be able to remember my life, or see what it was for. They say that how we spend our days is (of course – yes, of course) how we spend our lives. It seems that I spend my days going to the grocery store, changing diapers, running carpool, doing dishes, and putting off doing the dishes for as long as possible.

this is what morning is like in my perpetually disshevelled kitchen. The magic of the sun (accentuated by a disco ball hanging in the window) really does take my breath away at times, like this one here.

Side note: on the dishes-or-laundry continuum, I’m laundry all day, all night, all year. Laundry is so much better than dishes. Maybe it’s because you get to choose where you stand, or sit, to do the laundry. My current favorite place to fold laundry is in the backyard sprawled across our cozy flannel picnic blanket. There really is something about folding warm laundry outside. If you haven’t tried it, now is your moment. You’ll see.

In January, we had a couple of snow days which were one hundred percent magical, and also a bit tedious coming on the heels of a two-week school break for Christmas. Plus, in January there were sick days. I remember joking with other moms about it feeling like they’d never have a full week of school ever again. (which isn’t a problem, exactly, just kin of makes you feel like you're on hold while you’re on hold, which isn’t my favorite feeling). In February, John travelled a ton (I mean, a lot-a lot) and I also travelled with him for one of his trips. We went to New York, where I wished time would slow down or even stop so that I could try to absorb it all – the chance to rest, to walk the streets of one of my favorite cities – and where I kept turning up in the children’s rooms of bookstores, which was surprising and not at the same time, and made me wonder if I had nothing better to do than miss my kids and read the same books I could read with them at home. 

Georgia kids in the snow…rain boots + raincoats! And a beach bucket for hauling snow. My New England-bred soul treasured every second of the two snowfalls we had this January.

Stumbled upon the sweetest reading room + read some fantastic (kids’) books cozied up in this nook.

In March, I attended the wedding of a dear old friend and reconnected with my college roommate. We stayed in this enchanting old hotel in York, PA, and dreamed about writing books together. So many historic features in tact in this beautiful hotel, and it felt so alive with history. I poked around a little bit + found a beautiful marble staircase that led to nothing, plus a curious old (empty) medicine cabinet on the wall! Spooky, I know.

Just look at those original windows! I love old buildings. We took a gamble + kept the original windows on our one hundred and sixteen year old house and I’m so glad we did…they jam every now and then, but I’m okay with that.

In March I also became an Aunt, which has been a long-awaited milestone in my life…as the eldest of five girls, this was a rare time when all of my sisters did something before I did: they became aunts to my children, and over the last six and a half years, I have watched them discover and unfold these new identities, and my goodness, have they shown me the way. And handed me some big shoes to fill. I got to meet my niece on her sixth day earthside, which was every bit as special as it sounds.

I love this from FaceTime of Livvy beaming at her cousin, “bebe woosey”.

And April…Easter. Newness of life. I can feel that newness, all around me. I sort of feel like I just woke up after a long winter’s sleep, and it has been spring here for more than six weeks. I attempted to potty train Olivia, and that failed but I am okay…all in the space of a month. I think I must have grown. Also I potted up some flowers in the yard and started running again, and have listened to the owls roosting in the trees above our house both night and day, curiously. I love it when the owls are here.

our hearts were so full from being together on Easter Sunday. love them so.

And in the middle of all of this…wildfires have decimated homes + sacred patches of earth. Washington is frightening as ever. Wars go on without ceasefire, and injustice carries on in my own backyard. I find myself wanting more, and less, and wondering how to be a faithful presence…when I certainly can’t see the forest for the trees. How do you become something that you do not fully understand?

At the same time I have found myself faced with opportunities and invitations to feel my feelings more…to follow my creative impulses more freely. I have started drawing, which is not something I ever thought I’d say. I’ve been collecting and framing artwork to hang on the walls of our home, which in many ways has been the final frontier to settling down in this hundred year old house of ours, after four years of calling it home. I am dreaming about writing children’s books again, and maybe, somehow, this time I will actually do it. 

I listened to the complete series one of the Telepathy Tapes, which was beautiful, tragic, and so humbling. Love is real and alive, and God is so boundlessly creative. I also listened to the book Hunt, Gather, Parent on the recommendation of a mom wiser than me, and I am not exaggerating one bit to say that this book has changed my life. I am on my second reading of it now…never have I ever finished a book to then immediately start it over again. It is my parenting bible now, and I have never sensed more energy or permission all at once in my life as a parent. Never, never, I tell you.

I’m sure there is more, but maybe there isn’t. Maybe this is all there is, and maybe that’s okay.

We read this passage in my small group last week, and it was so beautifully and unexpectedly reframed for many of us who were there: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Like…what a relief that I don’t have to use my tired brain to figure out every last thing. What a relief that it is not all down to me to search + know my own heart. And maybe I don’t really know where I am, what I’m holding onto, all of what I’m carrying in this cluttered heart of mine…but even so, I am led into life, abundant + eternal. That, I can be sure of, even when nothing else seems nearly so sure.

Thanks for recapping the first third of the year with me! I’m not even sure what prompted me to do it, but I hope if you are reading this, there was something here just for you, whether a gentle reminder that you definitely aren’t alone, a warm feeling of resonance, a challenge or an invitation, or something else entirely. 

Bless you this day, my friend. xx